When I was a child, I didn't have to pursue anything. Some might say that I pursued happiness, but happiness was just something that I had as a child. I didn't need much to bring a smile to my face. But growing up has a way of erasing that smile. I quickly learned that things given to me offered less joy than things I worked for. Developing a work ethic is something that you have to do as a man. This is part of the big change in life for men. If you spend your life avoiding work, it comes with depression. We're built that way. If we don't feel like we're needed, then we feel completely useless.
When I started growing up, I spent my time pursuing many things. Things that I thought would make me feel more secure, wanted, important. Things that made me feel significant. I ended up in a lot of places that I didn't want to be. I ended up getting in lots of fights and letting myself get carried away with things when I shouldn't have. I ended up in Colorado, away from anything that was familiar to me. I wish I could say that's where I learned my lesson. But I didn't. I let myself continue on the same path until I was forced to walk the wilderness. I learned a lot about Buddhism while I was there. I learned some tools to help acquire inner peace. I may not look it, but I am actually a very intuitive person. I see the inner workings of people many times. I am very good at seeing inside myself and changing myself now. All this only confused my faith, though. I started asking questions about why God exists or does things the way he does. Being there was great for my attitude, but bad for my soul.
When I finally made it home after all my "adventures", I started to figure things out again. I lost some of the inner peace, maybe, but I gained a lot of myself back. I started to pursue my life again. Once again, though, I found myself pursuing the wrong things. I thought that having more friends or a girlfriend or popularity would make me whole. I tried all of those things. They found me more hurt than I could have imagined. My friends ended up not being as trustworthy as I originally thought, girls turned out to be crazier than I was, and as for popularity? Well, lets just say that I'm not always so well-liked.
Pursuing all this only made me tired of life and more depressed. Thinking that I needed other people for my own happiness was my biggest downfall. I let too many people in, and some of them did a lot of damage. Not that I blame them, I was probably just as bad for them as they were for me. Recovering from my state of pain has taken me a while, and sometimes, it still hurts, but for now I'm doing okay. I have decided to stop pursuing anything that I don't need for right now.
I have decided to reinvent myself for the better. So now, I'm pursuing myself. Trying to figure out what I want to be a part of in this life, and what I want to stay away from. I'm trying my hardest to do all this through God. Sometimes its hard to focus on Him when life feels so busy, but He's always there for me. It's great to know that when people aren't reliable, God always is. :)
I've found at least one major passion in my life. MUSIC. :D I'm going to be focusing my creative energy on that until I find something better. That's all I've got for today, and maybe soon I'll write about music in depth. Outtie.
Favorite things- Avatar (The animated TV show), Mike Kalombo beats, candy!
Least favorite things- boredommmmm...
